i am a homeless superhero living in seattle, washington. you may recognize me from musical performances around seattle or
perhaps the seattle international film festival where a documentary about me by local filmmaker michael sanchez was first
screened in 2003. things were looking good for a while. i was pretty popular. they showed that film on channel 5 TV here and
even though i didn't get any money or food for it, it seemed really cool to be a superhero for once. at the 2004 bumbershoot
festival held here in seattle i won 2nd place in the stranger's annual talent contest, Pizazz! i thought for sure that would
lead to something, but alas, it hasn't. being a superhero sure isn't as great as you might think. lately, you've probably
seen me at your local bar even though i shouldn't be there. if my parole officer found out i'd be dead. well, not dead, but
you know... back to rehab. anyway, the reason i begged these guys to let me have a spot on there crappy website was so i could
tell you about my new project. i'm making an album of songs. it will be called 'songs about people'. basically, i'm selling
songs on ebay that you can buy for the highest bid. if you win, i'll write and record a custom made song about you and mail
it to you on a CD. just go to ebay and type in my name and some key words like "custom" or "song about you"
something like that. don't worry. the money won't go towards alcohol. it'll go towards food first.
* A note from Michael Sanchez regarding Great Guy's journal...
Back in 2002 I accidentally happened upon this online journal by Great Guy, a superhero from Seattle. I thought it was the
most hilarious and pathetic thing I ever read and began posting it weekly on www.improvisation.ws, an improv/comedy website
created by my old improv teacher in NY. People went crazy for it and it recieved over 900 hits in the short time it was up.
Great Guy eventually found out and was very pissed and upset about the whole thing. He stopped posting his journal then pronounced
me his new arch enemy. To make a long story short, I eventually contacted Great Guy and convinced him to let me create a documentary
about him to make up for the damage I'd done. That documentary eventually screened at the 2003 Seattle International Film
Festival to rave reviews. It put Great Guy in the spotlight and put him on the crimefighting map like he so desperately wanted.
We've been great friends ever since.
i still don't have a name or logo. tonya said she doesn't feel my supersuit is finished until i have a logo, but i think
she's seriousley wrong. i feel my powers coming. i can will them i think.
soon. very soon, i will be unstoppable as a good doer and crimefighter. maybe a logo would be good i guess, but is it
absolutely necesary? it would define me a bit. maybe show what i stand for. a sidekick would be awesome as well, but all in
for now i'll be known as...
someone on the street called me a faggot today and i have to admit stuff like that can really ruin your whole day. this
was the third time i've been out in public in my supersuit and already i'm starting to feel so not like a real crimefighter.
i can't understand people's mentality. it's discouraging, it really is.
anyway, i put an ad in a couple local papers in search of a sidekick but all i keep getting is a bunch of weirdos. what
the hell does a guy have to do to get a decent partner these days?
i'm still searching for a permanent name and logo, but i've decided to forgo "the phantom" for "masked
man". it's a little more subtle and i won't get confused with the cartoon guy phantom played by that baldwin.
i've realised today that a smile really does go a long way.
finally. a serious inquiry about a possible partnership. i won't reveal his name, but he faxed me a fantastic resume.
i called him and we talked a little on the phone lastnight and he seems really into what i'm doing and what i'm about. we're
very similar in our interests, too. for instance, he plays guitar (just like me) and has a drum machine he enjoys jamming
with so we talked about also collaberating on some songs, too. that's really exciting for me because i've always wanted to
be in a band and if i can incorporate crime-fighting and music somehow it would be so awesome.
for the first time since i got called a faggot last week i feel really good about my decision to become a superhero. i
know i have some self esteem issues and that i might get depressed once in a while and that can be real discouraging when
you're trying so hard to do good in the world, but i have to concetrait as hard as i can on not letting the pessimists and
cynical types get to me. there's just so many of them it seems hopeless sometimes.
it'll be nice to have a partner. we're meeting up on sunday to talk and really get into the details of what our names
and logo will be. i should address the issue of superpowers with him. i don't have any and i hope it's not a damper on his
expectations for what we can do as crime-fighters. i never said i had powers or claimed to so we'll see. i was thinking we
could have some weapons built or something, but we'll see about that, too.
i really, really hope he's cool.
i have had more fun today than i've had in a long time. i finally met my future sidekick and it was better than i could
ever have hoped. it was a bit awkward at first, but once we got to talking we really hit it off. soon we were like old friends.
we talked about our goals for the future andwhat we hoped to accomplish in our city as far as crime and such (i won't
reveal his true identity for fear of the info getting into the wrong hands). we decided on logos for our chests and NAMES
for ourselves. are you ready for this?
i am no longer Masked Man. from this day forward i will be known as GREAT GUY!!! cool, right? i kind of thought of it
myself. i wanted something that said "super" at first ,but i thought since i techinically don't have any powers
yet that it would be morally wrong to label myself as "super" so i thought "great" would work just as
well. and it does. in fact, it works really well and it actually sounds like a real superhero's name.
we riffed through some ideas for my new partner's name and finally settled on... (drum roll...) Good Boy!!
see? it goes along with Great Guy in a way and at the same time harkens back to Robin the boy wonder of Batman fame.
so those are our names from now on. Great Guy and Good Boy! i love the way they sound together! just imagine a deep echoey
voice saying it: ...the city of Seattle is safe once again under the watchful eyes of the Greatest duo ever, GREAT GUY and
GOOD BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (theme music here)
i'm so excited about this. you can probably hear it in my voice right now. i called tonya and told her the ideas for our
names and she liked them. she said she'd get to work right away on our insignias so we'd have them as soon as possible. which
brings me to another point. tonya asked me on the phone if she needed to make a supersuit for Good Boy, too, and was surprised
to hear that (get this) HE ALREADY HAD ONE!!!
yes, that's right. he showed up with one on. i was shocked at first and then i got real excited to see someone as into
this as i am. he had his made by his mom a few years ago and it looks spectacular. it's blue and orange. he siad he's been
waiting for something like this for a long time and i really think we've got something big here.
i truly believe we were meant to do this, debbie. i believe we were meant to find each other and fight crime as the greatest
duo ever. it was fate. i honestly believe that and i wish you couldv'e been here even to just feel our vibes for just one
second. they were strong, but i guess you can imagine.
in celebration of our partnership we ordered pizza and soda. we even jammed a little (me on guitar and him on bongos,
he's good!). we got a little carried away and my downstairs neighbors complained so we quieted down, but then i got out my
camera and we took some celebratory photos to mark the occasion. i'm forwarding them to you...
alright. i've really gone on a while, huh? it's been a long day but a great one, too. i'm so tired. anyway, once our logos
are done we'll be out on the streets crime-fighting in no time at all.
see you soon,
it's so incredible and amazing to think that just four months ago i was so depressed and down after being fired from one
of the biggest corporations in the world.
in these four short months i've gone from a literal nobody to a crime-fighting machine.
i'm so excited, debbie, i just can't contain it. it's like that time you fell off brown betty and broke your collarbone
and wrist and knee and decided to dedicate your life to becoming a hollywood stuntwoman. i know your dream didn't last very
long, but the initial feeling you felt in the hospital is exactly how i feel right now.
get this, you won't believe it, but right after Good Boy and i got our logos made we left tonya's (she did a fantastic
job on them) and (you won't believe this) but we literally caught our first criminal.
okay, we didn't actually catch him, we backed into his car outside this liquor store and it was just as the police showed
up. this guy was trying to buy alcohol (he was obviousely already intoxicated) and we stopped him from getting into his car
and possibly driving drunk. he was yelling and screaming about the dent i made and how he wanted us to move so he could leave,
but while i checked out the damage the police showed up and at first the policeman was trying to question Good Boy and i,
but the guy was so loud and obnoxious he brought attention to himself and next thing you know he's arrested and on his way
to the station.
it just goes to show, there's no escape from justice. the police officer didn't thank us or anything, but i feel like
this is some sort of sign, like we are really on our way to the top.
Good Boy and i rushed home and took pictures to mark the occasion and to celebrate our new insignias (i'm sending them
to you). we actually look the role now so watch out!
today i got in a fight with good boy.
it might seem a bit ridiculous and i guess i might come off as a bit selfish and egotistical, but he got mad at me because
our insignias are slightely different sizes.
tonya made them that way. i had no say in it originally, but apparently he'd been harboring a little resentment towards
me anyway since we got them.
as i'm sure you've seen in the photos i sent my insignia is a capital "G" and his which is somewhat smaller
is a lower case "g" and when he brought it up i was sort of indifferent about it and he got mad.
he went on and on about how we're supposed to be equals and 50/50 partners and all that and i just said that essentially
i was the founder of the duo and sort of the leader and he went bullistic on me. when i didn't see his point he started throwing
stuff at me and i got upset cause he chipped the corner off the back of the toilet and water started coming out so i told
him to leave. it was a mess and he took his drum machine and bass guitar home and i'm feeling a little sorry for the things
i said or didn't say.
i guess we really aren't a crime-fighting duo unless there's two of us.
shit. i was a real numb-skull. i should call him.
i think i've made terrible mistake. it's been a week since my fight with Good Boy and he won't return my calls or anything.
why couldn't i see that i really needed him? i'm so stupid. he was so perfect as my sidekick and now i'm stuck in this
rut. i haven't shaved or showered or even left the house in three days. it really stinks in here, but i just can't bring myself
what am i going to do, debbie? i know you and i haven't really talked in forever, but will you please call me? it's really
important and i could really use your advice right now, you always had a good head on your shoulders about stuff like this.
you knew when to break up with me anyway.
the future of seattle is maybe in your hands. sort of. i don't mean to put such pressure on you, it's just that if i don't
have a partner this city could go to pot.
please call me.
i took your advice and tracked down Good Boy by his secret identity in the phone book. when i showed up at his house his
mother wouldn't let me see him so i had to wait around til it got dark and sneek in through a basement window.
i searched the whole house and finally found him asleep on a fold-out couch in the TV room. i must have scared the crap
out of him cause he started screaming bloody murder and his mom came down with a broom ready to split my skull in half. he
had to call her off and finally after some convincing we went down the street to Denny's for some apple pie and to talk.
we both apologized for the way we treated each other last week and i think he realized i really was kind of the leader
of the duo and he was a lot more reasonable and accepting since he'd had a week or so to cool off and look at our situation
from an objective position.
we both acknowledged that it was stupid and a big misunderstanding and that the important thing in our relationship isn't
who leads the duo, but that no matter who the leader is we work together as a team to fight crime. it is, after all, us against
the rest of the world and where are we going to get if we're too busy fighting each other for leadership?
anyway, we made up and everything is back to normal for the most part. we decided to go to counceling to keep us on top
of our working relationship and to improve our communication with one another.
thanks for the advice, debbie. i know you didn't tell me to do any of these things, but i couldn't just give up on my
dream of saving the world and be a failure again. your advice really made me see what was really important and helped me focus
since good boy and i got back together we've put all our efforts into trying to find crime to fight. unfortunately, it's
seems locating crime is easier said than done.
for starters, seattle's not very crime ridden so we've already hit a wall there. even some of the worst parts of town
are somewhat tame compared to what i imagined we'd be up against. it's embarrasing to say, but about all we've done so far
is scold a few teenagers about littering. it pisses me off really. what a terrible predicament to be in. on one hand i'm glad
that things are peaceful here, but on the other what kind of superhero am i? i've been sitting around the past couple days
trying to decide between watching golden girls or happy days. fuck.
good boy and i are thinking of going to the fremont market on sunday to look at CB radios. if we tune in to police channels
we can at least maybe assist the local law enforcement.
on a personal note, good boy is great fun and i love hanging out with him, but i'm getting a little lonely, debbie. it's
really been a long time since i had someone to connect with on an intimate level. i feel a bit strange telling you all this,
but because of our history you probably understand me the best. you're the last girl i dated (that was 4 years ago) and i
feel it's about time to get back in the saddle. don't think i'm crazy, but i signed myself on to the personals at The Stranger
online. maybe it's pathetic, but who knows, maybe i could meet someone interesting. i don't know.
well, anyway take care,
Good Boy and i went to the fremont sunday market this weekend. we originally went to find a police scanner, but ended
up getting a couple walkie-talkies instead. we also picked up some pepper-spray and cotton candy for really cheap. i love
cotton candy, but it got my mask a little sticky. i'll go for the funnelcake next time.
trouble in paradise. my landlord keeps harassing me about the rent and i don't know what to tell him. my savings are dwindling
away and i have no income. damn! just another thing to worry about. i should start looking for a new place to live.
i can't even believe this shit!
somebody drove by in a car and threw a handful of crab apples at me today. what the hell is going on in this world when
a guy can't even walk down the street without getting pegged with apples?
i have no idea how fast the car was traveling or even if that has any effect on the speed of the apples, but i kid you
not it stung like hell. i had welts all up and down my neck and chest for hours (my supersuit is only lycra).
luckily Good Boy didn't get hit at all. he was visibly perturbed by the attack, though and even stated his own personal
disapointment in not being quick enough to block the apples himself.
i told him not to worry about it, but i kind of wish he had blocked them cause damn it stung! i haven't hurt that bad
since i whipped myself in the leg last summer with the weed-wacker. i swear it took all my strength to play it off and stop
my eyes from tearing up.
we tried to make a quick recovery and chase the car down, but we were only on foot so they got away. we were so pissed.
i'm trying to be positive about the experience and get something out of it. like remembering to always be alert and on
guard for trouble. we might have been hurt worse if luck hadn't been on our side. we were so stupid though. just a couple
of sitting ducks eating ice cream. and that's the real loss here, not my self-esteem. i dropped my damn ice cream cone on
the sidewalk when i was attacked.
there's always a lesson to be learned. no matter what.
can my life possibly get any worse?
what's the old saying? "there's no way but up from here."
is that how you say it? well, that's bullshit.
good boy and i finally got a police scanner last week. we got it on ebay for 75 dollars (plus $8 for shipping). cheap,
right? wrong. we couldn't figure out how to use the damn thing so we went to borders books and bought one of those dummies
books about it ($20). it turns out we're missing some wire or something so we had to go buy that ($5) and the guy at the ham
radio place wouldn't put it on for anything less than $10.
2 days and $118 later we figured out how to use it. then on friday night we had a breakthrough. we heard on a police channel
about some noisy drunk people being loud and disruptive outside Goldies bar on 45th and bagley up in wallingford. it's like
3 in the morning and me and good boy are like "what the hell! let's check it out" we're close to there and we figured
this would be a nice and easy segway into cleaning up this city.
we hop in the car and head over to find 10 guys standing around in this parking lot across from Goldies. they weren't
being very loud and even though i figured they ment no harm we approached them in the car. i said to them that "we had
some complaints and that they should move it along". they ignored me. i couldn't believe it. i said it again louder and
one of them turned and gave me the finger. i told good boy to stop the car. i got out and another one of the guys turned and
threw a bottle at me.
i dodged it just in time, but it hit the car and thats when they all turned towards us and started yelling and making
fun of us.
not wanting any trouble, i jumped back in the car and we started off just as the police showed up. i jumped back out of
the car to explain to the police what was going on and the next thing i know i'm handcuffed in the back of the cruiser.
well, i'm pissed at this point so i start kicking the gate between me and the front seat and a police officer comes over
to the car and tells me to "cut it out, faggot!" i was appalled. what the hell was going on? this wasn't supposed
i finally got taken to the station and booked for some bullshit reason and ended up not getting home til saturday afternoon.
now i have to go to court in august and i'll probably have to pay a $1,000 fine.
do you get this, debbie???? what the fuck!!? there aren't even enough fingers in the world to count everything wrong with
this situation. i'm seriously at a loss for words here.
and you know what else pisses me off, debbie?!??
this business of being booked and having to spend the night in jail and having to go to court and all,
this is all ED HELMS' fault!!!!!!
maybe not directly his fault, but what happened is because of people like him. i know you don't even know who the hell
he is but here's what i know about him...
so i get this e-mail like a month ago from this guy named ED HELMS who says he got my e-mail address from a friend (which
is total bullshit because you're the only person i e-mail and i know you didn't give it to him) and he tells me congratulations
on my becoming a superhero. then he says he works for an "entertainment/news" show in new york city and wanted to
know if i'd be interested in being featured in a segment on the show.
now alright, i know it's everyone's dream to be on TV and be a star and all that but not mine. i have more serious plans
for myself and anyway i've learned to just plain not trust people when they approach me with random ridiculousness like this.
so i say to myself who is this guy anyway? and does he think he's some kind of comedian writing and asking me to appear on
TV and all? so i do a google search under ED HELMS and get this, debbie!
HE IS A COMEDIAN!!
i couldn't believe it. and get this too. he actually DOES work for a TV show. in fact, we used to watch it, THE DAILY
SHOW, only now it has john stewart as the host instead of carson daily. i have to admit i was taken back a bit by his legitamacy,
but i came to my senses and began to see the big picture again.
my role in this town as the embodiment of justice is too important to squander on some flash-in-the-pan TV show. and i
told Mr. Helms exactly that.
actually, i feel a little guilty about it now, because i went on a bit of a rant about how appearing on his "entertainmet"
show for fun would debase the seriousness of my intent as a crimefighter.
but then something really weird happened, debbie.
truth be told, about halfway through replying to ED HELMS' e-mail i began to change my mind. i actually WANTED to be on
his TV show.
not to become a star or to become famous as many people would want. but rather to be taken MORE serious.
you maybe wouldn't believe this, but i'm having a very hard time with people not taking me seriously in this town and
i'm sick of it.
i started thinking about how nice it would be to actually have the local law enforcemnet not only know who we were, but
actually be on our side.
in the end i told ED HELMS i'd like to appear on his show if he wanted me to and you know what became of it? nothing.
nada. zero. he never even wrote me back. jerk.
and that's it. that's why i blame ED HELMS for what happened friday night. if he'd called me back and i'd appeared on
his TV show i probably would've been taken more seriously and not gotten thrown in jail.
i don't know, debbie. i guess i'm kind of down about this whole superhero thing right now. i'm beginning to wonder if
crimefighting is worth it.
i'm sorry i haven't written in a while. after spending the night in jail because of ED HELMS i was real down about this
whole crime-fighting thing. even good boy seemed like his spirit had been broken. and for the first time since we formed our
alliance we took our costumes off.
to be honest, that didn't last very long, maybe a couple hours at most. it seems we both felt the same concerning how
normal we feel now in our masks and capes. they're just second nature. so we put them on again and instead decided to take
a much needed break from crime-fighting.
oh, debbie, let me finish explaining later. my timer just went off in the kitchen and i have to check my quiche. i've
been baking lately!
so where was i? oh, yeah, so we're taking a break from crime-fighting and i have to say it's like a large weight's been
lifted off my shoulders. i'm relaxing for the first time in months and i've had time for cleaning (the apartment was a wreck)
and TV (i forgot how many great shows there are) and baking!
and best of all good boy and i have finally started up our music project. we jammed again with both of us playing guitars
to a programmed drum machine and it sounded awesome, just like real band. and guess what our name is? ready for this??
THE GREATEST DUO EVER!!
cool, right? we think so!
me and good boy have been really busy. guess what? we wrote a song and it's really good. good boy's cousin tim has a four-track
and we we're thinking of asking him to record us playing it.
good boy wrote the words. he said we needed a theme song to get us psyched up for stuff like fighting crime or if we get
a gig or what not. here's how it goes (imagine it with a moderate rock-type beat).
great guy, great guy, he's so great!
he runs around and saves the day!
he's so great, he makes everybody great!
every, every, every, every, every, everyday! oh, yeah!
he wrote it to kind of cheer me up and as a ego-booster and it's helped i think. i feel a lot better about getting back
OHHHH, i almost forgot the best thing!!! we have a WEBPAGE now! that's right, a WEBPAGE!!! good boy created it (among
other things he's a regular computer wiz) so we could be more in touch with the public. it has a crime hotline and photos
and even good boy's personal recipes. i wasn't so excited about the recipe thing, but we'll see how it goes. most importantly,
i just want to be taken seriously in seattle and by the police so we don't get hassled when we're out just trying to help
here's the site address:
dear, mr. sanchez
it has recently come to my attention you've been posting my personal diary online for entertainment purposes. pardon my
frankness, but you should be ashamed of yourself.
i should let you know i am both appauled at the fact you've taken it upon yourself to publish my personal thoughts without
my permission and deeply distraught with the idea of the public making light of us at our expense.
it's hard enough taking on the world every single day without having to worry about you and your pathetic friend ed helms
(i know you two were working together) trying to tear down what i've worked so hard to create. you're lucky i don't sue you.
i've corrected the error that allowed you to eavesdrop on my life so there'll be no more of it. find someone else to ridicule.
Email Great Guy!